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Transforming the Office Battlefield as a Female Executive

Recently, I was working with one of my ambitious female executives who was really feeling the pressures of home responsibilities and meeting deadlines at work.  This leader was being irritable and bursting into emotional reactions in conversations with colleagues at work.  She was frustrated with herself because she was not committed to being argumentative with her peers and she was becoming known for becoming difficult to deal with.

She told me everything seemed like a battle. I could see she was suffering and at the effect of how she relates to the commitments she has made as a leader, mother, wife and friend.  She was conflicted because when she was at home she was thinking about work and when she was at work, she was feeling guilty for having a messy house!

We all can relate to certain times in our careers where it seems you just can’t keep up with all your commitments. Most leaders strive and push themselves so hard many times to a break down in their well-being and in their own self-care. Most female leaders I have worked with over the last 20 years have dealt with this very situation.

A female executive in a business suit writing on a piece of paper.This issue my client was dealing with was no stranger to me. 15 years ago, I pushed myself so hard I ended up with autoimmune issues. It was a tough time as I was working and dealing with having mono for five months.  It took a doctor to tell me I needed to slow down and find ways to be more effective with managing my own self-care.

It was hard because I love the work I do and I am passionate about making a difference, freeing others from their limitations. It was a blind spot for me as “making a difference for others” became more important than “making a difference for myself.” This turned out to become a valuable breakdown for me.  I learned about different modalities for self-care such as meditation and effective nutritional practices.  Most importantly, I learned how my body works and what it needs to keep me in a balanced place where I am free to make the kind of difference I am committed to at work and home.

I travel a lot for work, and it can be difficult to maintain some of my self-care practices. However, I now know when I am sacrificing my own integrity to myself rather than living like my body can take the abuse with no consequence.

Another aspect of my life that suffered as well was playing.  Any free time I had was distributed to errands and studying my craft. Most of my adult life I played tennis and went to the gym and these practices went out the window. I used to feel guilty for taking an afternoon off for personal matters or having a massage.  Now I get how critical it is to give myself the time to rejuvenate and give my body what it needs.

With my client we had her look at her whole life. I asked her to consider it wasn’t her circumstances that were the issue, but how she relates to work and home.  She saw that she felt she could never get ahead if she didn’t work harder than her colleagues. If she was going to succeed, she had to sacrifice her well-being.  She did what I did as well as most women leaders I have worked with by working hard and working it out alone rather than being in communication with her supervisor and her subordinates to find ways to have it all.  At first, she saw this as a sign of weakness but once she learned how to have these conversations without fear of looking bad or not doing her part, she began to realize she could take care of herself and have a successful career. She became a more effective leader when she became a collaborative leader rather than isolate herself and hide her personal concerns. Once again very familiar for me to see.

As a coach it is very rewarding to support a leader when you have been through what your clients deal with. The breakdowns you deal with in life are the beginning of new discovery of expanding yourself as a leader and as a human being.

The path to leadership awaits. Are you ready to take the first step?

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